all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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