Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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