If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
