God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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