Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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