Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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