dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
