she woke up with a sticky ear
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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