I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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