I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
