So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
