I'm really into asian looking animals
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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