No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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