it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
They are going to name an STD after you.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
