Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
