We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
