My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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