Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
