So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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