I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
