i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
