that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
