So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
