I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
