Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
