Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
