it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
