"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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