Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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