The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
