her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
