So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
