so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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