I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
