This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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