My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
