I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
