Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
