Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
