Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
