Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
