he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
