what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
