thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
