so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
