So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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