you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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