I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
