there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
