Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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