I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
