I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
