I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
