just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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